Between August 2018 and March 2019 Ive done 9 weeks of full time intensive Qi Gong training. This life changing experience has reinvigorated and pushed to an entirely new level, the interest that I've had in Qi Gong since 2006 when I was first introduced to it.
My teacher, Tevia Feng, has emphasized in his training, the Taoist focus on nature, and harmonious living with the earth. This is something that I too have been passionate about for a very long time. I remember as a young person thinking I was a nature spirit, sent here to protect the environment from ignorant human destruction. I dont think its that far off really. I feel more at home in the forests, and I find connecting with animals easier than people. I can't sit still for a whole movie, I dislike driving, bars, malls, crowds etc. So essentially Ive felt pretty at odds with the human world at times..well most of the time. I told a girl once that I couldn't date her because I had to save the dolphins. That might have been a bit of a diversion, but part of me believed that I simply didn't have the time for a girlfriend as there were bigger, more important things to do! But really, how can we care for another person, if we arent also caring for ourselves and aligned with our own sense of harmony and empowerment.
In this Qi Gong training I met many other people who shared my love of nature and Qi Gong. Many of them with big challenges in their lives, motivating them to try something new. Humans are generally good at adaptation, responding to the conditions in a creative, positive way; by changing the conditions, by changing themselves or both. Change is the most common condition of nature, and our ability to change is what allows us to stay vital, and thriving; our ability to stay active in our lives. However many elements of our modern world, lock us into negative repetitive patterns, and in the process disconnect us from nature.
Activists are usually people who are acting out of normative social behaviour in an attempt to effect change in the collective behavioural pattern. They are acting out, intervening, demonstrating, protesting some condition, usually perpetrated by the local government. They also may protest in solidarity with people elsewhere on the planet. They are agents of change. I also want to suggest that activists are anyone who is active in creating the world that they want to live in.
Most of the activists that Ive met are very compassionate people. They are caring people, and are impacted because of their empathy, their sensitivity for other people, or animals, or environments, that are also affected, oppressed, injured by some force that they are appealing to. They are using their personal energy, to bring awareness to what they perceive as an injustice.
Protesting is hard work. To do it you essentially have to maintain that negative feeling of outrage to demonstrate, to make enough noise as to draw attention. That's exhausting. For every protester, there's many other people who feel similar, but just cant muster the energy to stand up and shout "THERE MUST BE A BETTER WAY!"
There are different ways of protesting, creating change in the world such as facebook petitions etc..but how much effect do they have. No, to really protest something, takes rallying energy, and bodies, and showing up in a big way. But whos got the time, and energy for that? And whos willing to take the toll on their health, and energy when perhaps they're just coping as it is. These are challenging times, and we need to be on top of our game to fully participate.
Well this is precisely why I am offering a workshop for anyone who wants to activate their spirit of activism, their outspoken warrior, to nurture their health in the process, to tap into universal energy in protecting the sacred things; because we need this now more than ever.
Even if you're not interested in being a protester, or rallying for change, being activated in your own life, to be engaged in creating change for yourself is where it starts I believe, and this I know, is where Qi Gong can be so immensely useful. It all starts from that foundation of empowerment.
In April, I will be presenting a workshop called Qi Gong for Activation, at the Ignite festival in Vancouver, April 19th to 21st.
Even if youre not an activist, but feel like you would like to learn how to feel more empowered in the face of oppression, and global calamity, then come to my workshop and learn some powerful tools for empowerment. https://www.ignite-fest.com/
Sex Work can be Beautiful
Today I had a client, a guy that I would totally do everything that I did for him, for free. He was good smelling, in his 30's, sexy furry body. His clothes were off, mine were on.
I asked him if he wanted me to touch him for my pleasure or for his. Of course the whole thing was for his pleasure, as he was paying me, but maybe he wanted to be ravished, to imagine someone was taking pleasure in his body. I said that if I was worshipping him, servicing him, then I would likely be gentler, asking more questions, playing a more submissive role.
If we were pretending it was for my pleasure, I would probably be rougher, more probing, taking, using; less asking. Taking pleasure in someone else's body can be consensual, or non consensual; in this case it was consensual. He wanted me to do just that. He wanted me to be in control; exploring, touching, stroking, teasing, seemingly for my pleasure; being a touch rough, pulling legs apart, spreading ass cheeks like a hungry animal.
I smacked his ass a few times before I asked him if he liked that. He said yes and moaned softly.
He lay belly down on the bed. I had told him to go on his knees, to raise his ass up in the air, so that I could play with his ass, and balls and cock easier. I could do almost whatever I wanted to him, except I was clothed. My dick was hard, but me being clothed emphasized the fact that his body was the focus, his body being pleasured, and yet he was the one in the vulnerable position, fully nude, ass in the air.
I love creating this opportunity for people to be vulnerable. We need help accessing this. Vulnerability is not about being alone in a locked apartment. It's about being in a revealed way, with other people. Its like being a naked child at the beach again. Its liberating to expose oneself. Our society does shame this, and provides a very few number of exceptions to this. So I feel like giving people this opportunity is so exceptional.
People can book an appointment and just receive the touch they want to receive, from someone skilled in delivering that with sensitivity and experience. It feels so good to be trusting enough that you can have someone just pleasure you like that. I know, Ive been in the position many times, on the table, hands touching me everywhere.
It takes a lot of work to create a relationship, or even convince someone to have a date or hookup. Should it really be so much work just to have some pleasure, some touch, some revealing?
And when were having sex with someone, there's this sometimes awkward dance of who's doing what for whom. Now communication based on consent culture would sort a lot of that out, although it can be a bit cumbersome. However most people aren't there yet. The majority of people, have a hard time describing their boundaries or how they would like to be touched. Most people aren't asked these things on dates. Often, sex is messy and awkward, and includes drugs, alcohol, and regret. How unfortunate.
However, when you hire a professional, its clear, who its for. The professional knows how to open you up without booze, to get you relaxed and into that turned on place. They put their full attention on your pleasure, even if that means pretending its for them. Some can also teach you about consent.
Often the client will reach for my dick. Most of the time, I say that they can touch my leg, but not my genitals. The reason is that if they are focusing on my body, then they will lose out on some of the mindfulness of their own somatic experience. But I'm curious about why people do that. Are they wanting to pleasure me too because its just so normal to be reciprocating while receiving? Is there just more pleasure for them to touch my dick? The point that I'm trying to drive home here, is the beauty of being able to just receive pleasure; to be touched and pleasured, and held, without needing to reciprocate. The money exchange is the reciprocation. Sometimes, frequently, I would do it even if I wasnt being paid; because sex work can be beautiful.
Crisis can break and make us. To really become more than we are, we have to crack our old shell, break out of our holding patterns, find out what were made of and tap into our inner resources.
A few years ago I was on the verge of a total mental break down. I was working myself to an early death, totally unsatisfied in many areas of my life.
Although I was frightened to make a change, I knew I had to, or face a fate worse than death. Working in geriatric nursing, I often saw what I believed to be the results of lives of fear and inhibition; sickness and misery. This is a big generalization, but who of us lives a life fearlessly, without resentment, shame or inhibition. I believe the effects of these emotions over many decades are health destroying.
I started on a path of following my bliss. At first I didn't entirely know what that was. I had some ideas, and I knew that I wanted to make it sustainable, meaning I needed to make money doing it. I've had the idea in my head that I wanted to do something for work that I would do even if I wasn't paid for it.
I thought about the things that feel good for me, that make me smile, that lift my heart and make me feel healthy in my body and mind. This unfolded in a non linear way in the following years. I really could not anticipate to what degree that would play out, and is still unfolding. But here I am, at a resort on a Thai island, integrating new training, and formulating how to deliver some incredibly powerful somatic tools to my clients. Someone pinch me, but not too hard please; if this is a dream, I don't want to wake up.
(my) Truth is, reality is what you make of it. Attitude is everything. We can have success along the way if we enjoy the journey.
Finding enjoyment in the process is a skill that we must practice. Gratitude, savouring, mindfulness, and suspending judgment require practice. With practice we can change our programming, our limiting patterns and habits. We can become the people we desire to be, by allowing it to happen gradually. That doesn't mean we're lazy or unmotivated; quite the opposite. We're fueled by the daily practice, the incremental progress.
So what are you doing everyday? What are you practising? What are your goals and why do you want what you want? Make sure that you think of them in the right mindset. You want that thing because you think you will feel better in the having of it. Try not to frame it in the negative, such as you want to get rid of something. That's hardly motivating. Live a life fueled by excitement, with desire, with pleasure; even if its just the idea of those things. Ideas are powerful and ideas that you maintain become beliefs.
Believe in yourself. Invest in yourself. Take the opportunity to try something new.
Because the forces at work, are bringing change; tremendous change. We are on the verge of crisis; emergence-see, challenge and opportunity. We have been in a sleepy pupa state for a long time. Now we face the death of our old selves and emergence into a new world of possibility.
My advice is to begin where you are. Find motivation within yourself. What excites you? What do you desire for yourself? Find gratitude for the moments of pleasure that you do have. Noticing those will open a door. Practice getting into a receptive state; a relaxed, peaceful, sensual body awareness. Take time for self care. Its easier than you might think.
If you would like some support with this, please contact me for a free consultation or book an intro session. Be well.
Sexalogical Bodywork is a therapeutic modality that addresses several fundamental aspects of human nature, and experience: Sexuality, Body, and Pleasure.
It seeks to support embodiment, which is state of sense awareness; a harmony of body and mind; mindful sensation. Our Soma, or our lived experience, is so much richer when we train ourselves to bring more, and more, of our consciousness to it. It expands, and the elements of mind, and body synergize.
It utilizes guided self awareness, to retrain the nervous system as a remedy for sympathetic nervous bias. Our current modern world creates unnatural stressors that are persistent. This can undermine the autonomic nervous systems ebb and flow, required for health.
It follows the guidance of pleasure and it can be used to address sexual dysfunction, sexual trauma, and to support gender and sexual orientation confidence.
As a healing, therapeutic modality, Sexalogical Bodywork is probably one of the most intimate. It takes sex work into a standardized and academic realm. There is scientific theory, research, and practice supporting the modality.
It is exceptionally client centred, and humanistic in its philosophy and methods.
The premise is self regulation, and self awareness; facilitated by the practitioner, in an unconditionally supportive framework, which interestingly emphasizes boundary setting, and awareness. It also includes the concept of consent as a cultural milieu, a communication, and behavioural approach that creates non violent space for expression of desire, and body autonomy. It teaches within that consensual framework, emotional accountability; learning to hear no and not take it as rejection but instead thank the person for the clarification of their boundaries.
Somatic refers to the body, so in this case its about body awareness, and focus. Many people without training are not aware of their degree of dissociation that has occurred, incrementally over time. Our modern culture emphasizes a cerebral approach to the world. And many of us have experienced traumas of varying degrees that have caused us to numb and dull our sensory acuity; it's part of our adaptation in a world that can often be unpleasant. Think of how sensitive we are as children, and then as adults experience life in a sort of lacklustre way. Often we are looking for ways to recapture the lightheartedness, and joyfulness of the past. This can be achieved in varying degrees through mindfulness training.
Many cultures and faiths even demonize bodily pleasure as something that should be overcome, and yet people are voracious consumers of pain killers, alcohol, drugs, and entertainment. These cravings I believe are rooted in our desire to feel the natural pleasures of embodiment. Embodiment is the profound awareness of the harmony of mind and body, of being sublimely present and content; it is a feeling of being at home in ones self.
Understanding and awareness of the nervous system, can help us self regulate. Trauma and stress are not what happen to us, but how we perceive those experiences. That is why therapeutic methods can resolve trauma by re-contextualizing our perception of sense data. Our nervous system and our brain are pattern recognizing and creating. They anticipate and asses our sense data in habitual ways. They are programmed and re-programmable. Without mindfulness, we react to sense data from our past experiences of it and the associations that we gathered and connected subconciously. We become biased in our outlook and beliefs. With mindfulness, we can chose how we make connections. We can emphasize and de-emphasize information with intention and practice, with repetition, to expand our frameworks for greater functionality and enjoyment.
In a setting intentionally designed for safety and respect, an individual can begin to let go of old habits and beliefs, that may have been formed very early on. Attitudes that can restrict vitality and happiness can be held in mind/body structures in a very unconscious way. By following subtle pleasure, and making space for the inner voice of desire, we can unwind some of the rigidity of mind and body.
Its easy to underestimate the power of sensual touch, of breath awareness, of vocalization and movement, until one actually makes time to bring awareness to these fundamental aspects of ourselves. We take them for granted. Our years of enduring have distanced our own resources from us.
Sexuality is both taboo, and commodified in our culture, depersonalizing it. We don't talk openly about it in honest vulnerable ways, and so we may harbour guilt, shame and fear about perfectly normal aspects of ourselves. Revealing ourselves, our thoughts, our questions and our eros in a safe setting can be very healing.
Its interesting to see the resistance that people have to expressing how they would like to be touched. They don't perceive the benefit of it at first. Maybe it seems awkward or unnecessary.
In my desire to meet people where they are at, I agree to give them an intuitive massage if that's what they say they want. However I try and express to them that what I am offering is much more powerful than a massage. It seems the only paradigm many people have for touch is enduring; touch that makes them leave their bodies. I wonder if they even know what enthusiastic consent feels like.
Sexalogical bodywork is similar to hypnosis. Both create a state of physical relaxation, but mental acuity. This is unique from the zoned out sleepy place that laying on the beach, or getting a regular massage creates. I utilize these two modalities because they are so similar, and complimentary. Unfortunately most people don't understand how either of them work. It is frustrating for me that people may not have more than one session. I imagine that is because of confusion, that there's too much novelty to really wrap ones head around. I aspire to present this knowledge in a more accessible way for people.
The fact is that one cannot make a good assessment about efficacy with anything less than 5 sessions of either modality. There could be results in less time than that, and there will be lovely experiences in that time, but to really understand the potency of either modalities takes several sessions. I believe that anything can be resolved using these therapies, (and in a much shorter time than traditional talk therapy).
Too often we don't know what we don't know. But how long are we willing to put up with less than happiness. Sadly, many people seem to be stuck in less than desirable states of being. Their attitudes, their outlook, health, finances, relationships are not what they want to be, yet they feel powerless to change them with any great speed. But the truth is, that the tools are out there, er, rather in here, in our soma, our bodymind. Commitment, and determination is all that is required, and the belief that its possible. Relief comes with even the smallest improvements.
What do you desire for yourself? Everything that you want is because you think you will feel better in having it. So how do you want to feel? With clarity, intention, and determination, its possible, and so worth pursuing!